30 Days of Sentence Writing - Day 08
Sincere communication is a way both to understand others, and to make yourself understood, but unfortunately now people are so eager to give their own comments that they cannot even finish listening to others.
Still, (as Mr. Davis puts it,) “Whatever manufacturing companies survive this hell will be set to mint money.”
[分数] [4/5]
S01
分析
Sincere communication is a way both to understand others, and to make yourself understood, but unfortunately now people are so eager to give their own comments that they cannot even finish listening to others.
真诚的沟通既能了解别人，也能让别人了解自己，但遗憾的是，人们急于表达自己的观点甚至都不能认真听完别人的话。
【结构】sth. is a way both to …, and to …, but…
【解析】
这里有一个固定用法需要注意：make yourself understood/heard。我们都知道make sb. do是使某人做某事，后面跟动词原型，所以这里的用法要特别注意。
此外，a way both to do..., and to do...，一种既能做...，又能做...的方法，写作中也可以套用这种结构，变换句型。
仿写
科技话题
中文：
使用智能手机是一种既能快速与他人联系，又能随时获取有用信息的方式，但很多人过渡沉溺其中，从而浪费了很多本该用来学习或工作的时间。
参考译文：
Using smartphones is a way both to quickly connect with others, and to get useful information, but many people get addicted to it, wasting a lot of time that should have been used for work and study.
我的回答：
Using smartphone is a way both to communicate with others, and to get useful information, but many people overindulging themselves in it, wasting a lot of time that should be spent studying or working.
评价：
- many people overindulging themselves in it, wasting a lot of time that should be spent studying or working. 这句没有谓语动词，你的分词结构拿去做了定语，和结果状语了。
- smartphone 要么复数，要么加个 the
环境话题
中文：
工业化是一种既能创造巨量财富，又能减少人类劳动的方式，但它也使人类拥有更强的破坏性，对地球的生态造成了威胁。
参考译文：
Industrialization is a way both to create huge wealth, and to reduce human labor, but it also endows human beings with more destructive power, posing a threat to the earth’s ecology.
我的回答：
Industrialization is a way both to create massive wealth and to reduce human labour, but it make human beings more threatening to Earth’s ecology.
评价：
可以的
文化传统话题
中文：
优秀的传统文化是一种既能温暖人心，又能丰富人们生活的方式，但它现在正遭受外来文化严重的冲击。
参考译文：
Good traditional culture is a way both to heal people’s hearts, and to enrich people’s lives, but it is now being severely impacted by foreign cultures.
我的回答：
Superb traditonal culture is a way both to warm people’s heart and to enrich people’s lifestyles, but it is suffering impactions from foreign cultures.
评价：
- is suffering impacitons from 建议直接用被动语态：is now being severely impacted by foreign cultures.
- impaction 装紧，压紧
个人品质话题
中文：
真诚的合作是一种，既能减轻自己的压力，又能激发创造力的方式，但不少人因为短视而非常排斥与他人合作。
参考译文：
Cooperation is a way both to relieve one’s own pressure, and to stimulate creativity, but many people are ruluctant to cooperate with others because of short-sightedness.
我的回答：
Sincere cooperation is a way both to reduce one’s pressure and to inspire one’s creativity, but many people are too myopic to cooperate with others reluctantly.
评价：
too…to 太…以至于不能，你这里的 reluctantly 不情愿，负负得正，得出的句意就不对了。可改为：many people are too myopic to cooperate with others willingly.
S02
分析
Still, (as Mr. Davis puts it,) “Whatever manufacturing companies survive this hell will be set to mint money.”
尽管如此，正如戴维斯先生所说的，“无论哪些制造企业从这种悲惨的境况中幸存下来，它们都将会赚到大钱。”
【结构】as sb. put it, “Whatever/Whoever …”
【解析】
[主干]
Whatever manufacturing companies survive this hell will be set to mint money.
这个句子是 Whatever 引导的主语从句，Whatever manufacturing companies survive this hell 这个从句整个部分可以看成是一个名词，用作主语。
[修饰主干的部分]
非限制性定语从句:as Mr Davis puts it, 这里是 as 连词 “正如......” 引导的定语从句，先行词指代整个主句。
仿写
科技话题
中文：
正如马斯克所说，“无论哪些科技公司创造出革命性的产品，它们都为推动人类文明作出了贡献。”
参考译文：
As Elon Musk puts it, “Whatever technology companies create revolutionary products are making their contribution to move human civilization forward.”
我的回答：
As Musk puts it, “Whatever technological companies create revolutional products, they all contribute to the advancement of civilization.”
评价：
civilization 前加 human
环境话题
中文：
正如环保爱好者所说，“无论哪些公司因为各种目的去破坏环境，他们都是不可饶恕的罪人。”
参考译文：
As environmentalists put it, “Whatever companies destory the environment for various purposes are unforgivable sinners.”
我的回答：
As environmental enthusiasts put it, “Whatever companies damage to the environment in whatever purposes, they all are unforgivable sinner.”
评价：
- sinner 复数
- in whatever purposes 介词用 for
文化传统话题
中文：
正如马云所说，“无论哪些民族不去保护自己的传统文化，都不可能取得可持续的发展。”
参考译文：
As Jack Ma puts it, “Whatever nations do not preserve its own traditional culture is impossible to achieve sustainable development.”
我的回答：
As Jack Ma puts it, whatever nations not protecting their own traditional culture, they cannot make sustainable developments.
评价：
- make 放在这不妥，取得用 achieve
- whatever nations not protecting their own traditional culture 这句没有谓语动词，你看参考译文，有谓语 do not preserve
个人品质话题
中文：
正如很多教育专家所说，“无论哪些孩子为自己的爱好持续钻研，都会过上一个更加有意义的人生。”
参考译文：
As many education experts put it, “Whoever children continue to study for their hobbies will have a more meaningful life.”
我的回答：
As many educationalists put it, whoever children study continuously for their bents, they will have a much more meaningful life.
评价：
无不妥